When Petty Turns Putrid: Sis, Not the Spatula Just Because You Two Had An Argument

Now y’all… I done heard of “cooking with love,” but this right here? This is cooking with rage and bacteria.

“Do not repay evil for evil or insult with insult, but with blessing…”
— 1 Peter 3:9

So apparently, there’s a woman—and I hope this is fiction, but chile, these days nothing surprises me—who got so mad at her man during an argument, she decided to scratch her butt and her hoo-ha with the kitchen spatula, then turned right around and used said spatula to cook his food.

Let me repeat that for the people in the back:
She scratched her personal parts with the spatula, then sautéed his breakfast like it was just another Sunday morning.

…Ma’am?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."
— Proverbs 31:30

Now listen, we’ve all been mad. We’ve all had that moment where we wanted to hit ‘em where it hurts. But this? This ain’t just petty—this is pathogenic. 

Ain’t no form of feminine fury that should involve the mixing of bodily crevices and cooking utensils. That’s not revenge, baby, that’s a case for a health inspector.

And the most disturbing part?
Some men out here talking about, “Well, I put my mouth there anyway.”

Sir.
Be for real.

That ain’t the flex you think it is. That’s not cute, that’s not loyal, that’s unsanitary. We not applauding you for being freaky—we side-eyeing both of y’all for turning the kitchen into a contamination site.

"She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life."
— Proverbs 31

But let’s go back to sis for a second. Because this begs the deeper question:
Why is that your form of payback?

Like, what kind of twisted logic made you say, “You know what? I’m mad… so let me marinate this spatula in booty before I flip his pancakes.”

It’s not giving grown woman. It’s giving emotional instability meets Food Network after dark. Any woman that would do this over an argument is capable of doing things even more evil. 

Let’s call it what it is:
We all get mad.
We argue.

And as adults you should be able to handle disagreements without being this evil. 
That’s trifling.

And to any woman out here entertaining this type of behavior or joking about doing it—girl, I need you to sit with yourself. 

There are healthier ways to set a man straight. Like the silent treatment, walking away, using your words, or blocking him. Not passing him a plate of passive-aggression and pubic seasonings.

Fellas you gotta choose better.

"Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies."
— Proverbs 31:10

If you know your girl gets this creative when she’s mad… maybe skip the home-cooked meal and find someone else.

Because at this point, it’s not just beef—it’s biohazard. And in some instances it might be considered wicked.

—Stay petty, but keep it clean.

“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.”
— Psalm 51: