Pastor Kim Possible A Man Changes When He Wants To—Not Because You Stayed

Let’s go ahead and unpack this delusion, shall we?

So, I was watching Pastor Kim the other day, and here we go again—with another sermon feeding women that worn-out fairytale: “A good woman can make a man get it right.”

…Really?

Bless her heart, but no ma’am.

Let me say this as clearly and lovingly as I can: That idea is not only misleading, it's dangerous and it's spiritually abusive.

Because here’s the tea: A man does not suddenly wake up and become healed, mature, and whole just because you’re amazing, patient, or got the prayer life of a church mother on a three-day fast. He changes because he wants to. Period.

Sis, You Are Not a Human Makeover Show

Some of y’all are out here trying to Chip and Joanna Gaines these men. Thinking if you just decorate his life right, knock down some emotional walls, and throw some “potential” paint on him, he’ll be transformed. Girl, no. This is not Fixer Upper. It’s giving delusion with a side of exhaustion.

The reality is: most men are more likely to change the woman they're with than actually change themselves.

Yep, go ahead and read that again.

And yet, here you are, doing backflips in a relationship, trying to love him into being a grown man while he's out here giving toddler energy in an adult body. And for what? So you can say, “I held him down”? Girl, he’s holding you down—emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and let’s be honest… financially.

The Truth? He Changes Because He Wants To.

First of all, let’s be real — most men don’t want to be changed. They want a woman who accepts them exactly as they are and puts them on a pedestal, even if they’re still emotionally stuck in the basement.

So the moment you show up trying to upgrade him, he doesn’t feel grateful — he feels threatened.

Trust, that admiration turns into resentment real quick. And the true is we all want someone to love us for who we are.

A man does not transform because you are amazing. A man changes because he chooses to. Yes, love can be inspiring, but inspiration isn’t the same as transformation. The decision to do better, live better, and be better must come from within him.

Not because you’re cooking his meals, praying over his pillow, crying in secret, or holding on in hopes that the man you see in him will finally emerge.

This isn’t about being cynical. It’s about being clear.

The Lie That Keeps Women Trapped

This narrative is so dangerous, it should come with a warning label. Because while you’re out here thinking your loyalty is noble, it’s actually just making you a martyr for a man who doesn’t even know how to spell growth. That man is very self aware and know what he wants. You being with him is not an accident. He choose someone who will put up with it.

Let’s call it what it is: this kind of thinking has women staying in mess that God already told them to leave.

You’re not in love—you’re in trauma bonding.
You’re not being faithful—you’re being foolish.

And now you’re blaming yourself for why he won’t act right. You’re wondering what else you could do, how else you could show up, how much more love you can pour in.

Let me help you: You. Can’t. Save. Him.

That’s above your pay grade, sweetheart.

Let me say this: It is not your fault if he won’t grow.

It is not your fault if he won’t honor your love.
And it is definitely not your fault if he mistreats you.

You cannot nurture a man out of brokenness if he has no desire to heal. You cannot love him into accountability. God may use a relationship to sharpen a man, but God does not ask you to sacrifice your peace and safety to be his stepping stone.

Know the Difference Between Assignment and Attachment

Some of us have confused assignment with attachment. Just because you see greatness in him does not mean it’s your job to pull it out of him. Or that you will be the one he becomes great for That’s the work of the Holy Spirit, not your soul.

You can’t fast your way into making a man a king if he’s committed to staying a court jester. You can’t prayer-warrior your way into his heart if his heart ain’t even open to God.

Let him go.

Let him live at the level he’s chosen. And when he's ready, if he ever is he might change. So when you meet a man you have to ask yourself can I live with this forever.

Love is not a rehab center. You are not called to suffer. Love should build. It should sharpen. It should bring peace, not chaos. Alignment, not confusion.

And that's not to say the man is all bad and you're all good. Sometimes its just a matter of compatibility.

Sometimes your personality isn't compatible with his. If you are true to who you are you should know what works for you.

If you’re holding onto a man hoping your goodness will make him get it right—ask yourself, what is this costing me?
Because sometimes, the most godly thing you can do… is walk away.

Let God work on him in his own time. You? You keep becoming. You keep rising. You keep being the woman God called you to be—free, whole, and working on your own growth.