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I’ve been thinking a lot lately about sex and its place in our lives. Is it just a mind thing?
Today’s culture pushes an idea that sex is a right, a form of entertainment, and sometimes even a currency.
Does sex gives you access to love, material possessions, attention, or power?
Hookup culture, casual sex, and blurred boundaries have become normalized. We celebrate “sexual freedom”.
But do we ignore the consequences? I mean think after sex there comes emotional wounds, broken families, spiritual emptiness, and widespread confusion about identity and self worth because we didn't last a lifetime or worse - do it the right way.
And both men and women suffer from that.
This isn’t just about individuals making choices; it’s a system that often dismisses God’s design for sex. The “sex positive” or "being a whore" narrative, while encouraging openness and sexual freedom sometimes excludes the idea of sacred boundaries and ignores the deep wisdom.
Here’s a truth many people don’t talk about enough: most women don’t consistently reach orgasm during sex with their partners.
Studies have shown that a significant number of women need oral stimulation or rely on masturbation to experience climax rather than partnered sex. Why is that?
One of the biggest reasons is that many men simply don’t take the time to learn about a woman’s body or understand what truly brings her pleasure.
Cultural messages often focus on male pleasure and conquest, leaving women’s needs misunderstood or worse - ignored. This creates a disconnect.
Often times when a man refers to being good in bed, he's basically talking about his size — sex becomes more about physical acts or performance rather than true intimacy and connection.
The cultural neglect of women’s pleasure reflects a broader problem: we’ve lost sight of sex as a gift for God meant to build intimacy, not just physical release.
Even worse, many men act like total freaks with side chicks—doing things they would never even consider with their own wives.
They shut down any idea of exploring or spicing things up at home, but then get furious if their wives step out.
Now, I’m not condoning cheating from anyone, man or woman. But seriously, why would you be willing to give your most intimate and precious self to someone you won’t even trust with your finances?
Why do so many men hold back with the person they vowed to love for life, yet go all out with someone they’re betraying their marriage for?
This hypocrisy exposes a deep disconnect—between commitment and desire, respect and selfishness.
If sex is truly a sacred gift within marriage, shouldn’t it be the place where trust, intimacy, and adventurous love flourish, not the battlefield for betrayal and frustration?
And Let’s talk about something we love to say, but rarely live out: “I respect everyone’s sexual preference.”
But do we? Really?
I know someone who’s made a deeply personal, courageous decision—to abstain from sex until marriage. She’s not waving a purity flag. She’s not forcing her views on anyone. She’s simply living by her convictions. And yet… I’ve watched the same people who scream “sexual freedom” mock her for it.
Friends.
Family.
Church folk.
Yes, even them.
I heard one woman—married, by the way, and sleeping in a separate bed from her husband—tell her, “Girl, you better go get some dick.”
Now tell me, how does that make sense?
Let me be real for a moment. If this young woman had chosen to sleep with multiple men, she’d be labeled a whore. If she were a man doing the same thing, people would dapp him up. If she came out as gay, she’d be celebrated for being who she truly wants to be.
But because she’s chosen discipline, restraint, and wholeness through abstinence, she's being harassed?
Where’s the equality in that?
Why do we only respect sexual freedom when it matches our personal bias?
Her abstinence is not repression. It’s not rooted in fear. It’s a conscious, spiritual decision—a boundary made with God. Some of you can’t respect it because deep down, you’ve never seen wholeness without lust. You’ve confused healing with hiding. But there's a difference between being untouched and being unhealed.
Sex is God’s Idea — But It’s Sacred and Set Apart
The Bible makes it clear: sex isn’t some random act or mere pleasure. It is a divine design for intimacy inside the covenant of marriage.
“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” — Hebrews 13:4
Our bodies aren’t just ours — they are temples of the Holy Spirit.
“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you... Therefore honor God with your bodies.” — 1 Corinthians 6:19-20
Sexual purity is about honoring God by reserving that sacred bond for marriage. The marital bed is undefiled; inside marriage, sex is free, beautiful, and holy. Outside of marriage, it becomes a source of pain, regret, and spiritual damage.
This truth hits home when I think about people like King David and Samson—both mighty, anointed men who experienced great downfalls because of sexual sin. David’s affair with Bathsheba brought turmoil and judgment to his family. Samson’s weakness for Delilah led to his capture and loss of strength.
Their stories warn us: sexual sin isn’t just a moral slip—it can bring lasting consequences.
Why Sexual Discipline Matters — Especially for Men
We live in a culture where men are often told to have sex with as many partners as possible, but the Bible paints a different picture. It warns of the destruction that comes with unchecked sexual temptation:
“With persuasive words she led him astray... like a deer stepping into a noose till an arrow pierces his liver.” — Proverbs 7:21-23
This metaphor shows how men can be caught unaware by temptation and led to ruin. Jesus even taught that lustful thoughts alone can defile a person.
Sexual discipline is about mastering desires, not being mastered by them. It’s a crucial part of a man’s spiritual growth and personal freedom. When a man walks in purity and self-control, he gains respect, closeness with God, and true freedom.
And let’s be honest—masturbation, while taboo for some, is your business. Your choice to explore your body instead of spreading all over the community. You can’t preach “my body, my choice” and then mock people when they make a choice you wouldn’t.
If you’re not cheering for her the way you’d cheer for someone coming out of the closet, or posting their new boo every two weeks, then maybe it’s not about sexual freedom. Maybe it’s about your comfort with relationship disfunction, chaos and discomfort with conviction.
The Bible Says:
“You say, ‘I have the right to do anything’—but not everything is beneficial.”
– 1 Corinthians 6:12 (NIV)
“Flee from sexual immorality… do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you?”
– 1 Corinthians 6:18-19
“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.”
– Matthew 5:8
Listen, God isn’t anti-sex. He created it. But He’s also a God of timing and purpose. And some people are choosing abstinence not because they’re prudes, but because they understand the power in protecting what’s sacred.
So here’s the question:
Do you really respect everyone’s sexual freedom—or just the ones that fit your narrative?
Let’s do better. Let’s make room for all forms of sexual integrity—even the ones that look like self-control.
