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Yesterday, I had a moment.
Not just a "take a nap" kind of tired—but that deep, soul-weary exhaustion. The kind of tired where life feels like it's piling on faster than you can dig out. I felt worn down. Like I was being faithful, showing up, doing my part, and still—life was lifing. And I didn’t have the energy to fake it.
I write these blogs to show people that God is. That He’s real, present, and good—even when things don’t look or feel good. My relationship with God is the most beautiful thing in my life, but it’s not perfect, and it doesn't mean my life is perfect. Sometimes I feel heavy. But even in that heaviness, I know He’s here.
My Archbishop always says, “There’s not a spot that God is not.”
Whew. I didn’t always understand that, but life has taught me what it means.
I’ve lived through enough to know that in every broken piece of life, God is sitting right there— sovereign.
Even in my moments of frustration, confusion, weariness—God is there. Even when I don’t feel Him, even when I don't act like I know Him—He’s still there. Watching. Listening. Whispering reminders in the middle of my chaos.
Esau’s Fatigue and My Own
One story in the Bible that recently hit me hard is the story of Esau and the stew.
Esau came in from the field, exhausted, hungry, probably mentally and emotionally drained too. And in that moment of desperation, he gave up something big—his birthright—for a quick fix. A bowl of red stew.
“I’m about to die,” Esau said. “What good is the birthright to me now?”
— Genesis 25:32
And just like that… he handed it over.
But here’s what shook me: the Bible says, “So Esau despised his birthright.” Not because he hated it—but because he didn’t value it in that moment.
And don’t we do the same sometimes?
When we’re tired. When we’ve been the strong one for too long. When people rely on us but never check on us. When life pushes us to the edge and we just want something—anything—to make us feel better, if only for a minute.
The Oldest Child Energy
If you’re the oldest in your family, you already know.
They call you first when something goes wrong. They need your wisdom, your help, your time—but when you need a break, when you need support… suddenly it’s “ you'll figure it out.”
And after a while? You get tired of that. Not because you’re ungrateful, but because the weight is heavy and the appreciation is light.
So I get Esau.
He wasn’t just hungry—he was done.
He made a decision not out of ignorance, but out of fatigue.
And later, when he realized what he had given up, he was angry—furious—with Jacob. But the truth is, Jacob didn’t steal it. Esau gave it away. Willingly.
The Esau Moment
"You Don't Want God To See Your Situation"
Jacob saw his opportunity. He didn’t offer his brother a plate or ask what was wrong.
We often talk about not being Esau.
But today I want to talk about not being Jacob.
Because yes—Esau made a decision.
But Jacob made a move.
He saw his brother vulnerable and instead of offering grace, he made a deal.
Instead of saying, “You okay?” he said, “What can I get from this?”
And how often do we do the same?
Opportunism in Disguise
Sometimes we don’t realize we’re being manipulated because it’s wrapped in logic:
“Well, they agreed.”“Nobody forced them.”
“They made the choice.”
But here’s the truth:
If someone is broken, hungry, grieving, lonely, mentally drained—don’t make deals with them. Feed them. Hold space. Help them heal.
Because what Jacob didn’t realize in that moment was this:
He didn’t just gain a birthright.
He gained the weight that came with it.
The pressure.
The responsibility.
The fallout.
And years later, when Esau was ready to kill him—Jacob felt the cost.
What Are You Really Signing Up For?
Sometimes you think you're winning when you manipulate a situation, but you're actually walking into something you aren’t ready for. Or maybe not called or even equipped to handle.
You think you're securing a blessing, but you're really stepping into a burden disguised as a win.
Jacob thought he was being smart.
But he ended up running. Hiding. Wrestling.
And spending years trying to survive what he "won."
Be Careful With People’s Vulnerabilities
This is a word for all of us:
✅ Don’t take advantage of someone’s weak moment.
✅ Don’t build your life off of someone else’s breaking point.
✅ Don’t mistake vulnerability as opportunity.
Because God sees both hearts.
And while He used the situation (because He’s sovereign), Jacob still had to wrestle for peace later on.
BUT Protect Your Portion
Sometimes we blame people for what we voluntarily surrendered.
We tell ourselves they tricked us, they took advantage of us. And maybe there's truth in that. But part of growth is looking back and asking: Was I guarding what God gave me? Or did I trade it away because I was tired?
Here’s the real:
Don’t despise what God gave you just because it’s heavy.
Don’t let exhaustion talk you out of your inheritance.
Your calling might be demanding. Your assignment might be misunderstood. But it’s yours. It’s sacred. And it’s worth protecting.
Check the Story You’re Telling Yourself
Later on, Esau wanted revenge. He was mad. And I get it.
He probably thought, “Jacob tricked me. He took what was mine. He should’ve helped me, not taken from me.”
But a wise woman once told me:
"Sometimes, it’s not what happened—it’s the story you're telling yourself about what happened."
Sometimes I catch myself spiraling like that. Replaying offenses. Rewriting history. And God gently pulls me back with a question:
“Is that really what happened? Or are you letting pain narrate the story?”
And when I sit with Him, I remember:
Most of the time, I made a choice.
Not always the best one. But one I can learn from.
And even then—He was there.
Now Here’s What’s Interesting…
Later in the Bible, Jacob’s descendants (Israel) are enslaved in Egypt and suffer greatly.
But just think about it—it could have been the Edomites (Esau’s line).
Though the Edomites surely faced challenges.
This speaks to the good and bad outcomes of decisions. Esau gave up something sacred in a weak moment without fulling understanding the blessing his people could have walked out.
But Jacob may of took on something he didn’t fully understand—and carried a weight he wasn't prepared for. All things are in God's divine order.
Ultimately, though God did bless Esau and he became the father of a great nation, it was Jacob—renamed Israel—who became part of the lineage that led to Jesus. Through Abraham’s line, both were blessed, but it was through Jacob that the promise of blessing to all nations was fulfilled.
God Sees You, Even Now
Don’t take advantage of people at their breaking point.
Because what you gain by force or finesse—you’ll have to fight to keep.
And if God didn’t give it to you through love, grace, and timing—
You might not be able to carry it.
BUT if you’re tired… if you’re frustrated… if you feel like giving up or giving it away—pause.
Breathe.
Ask yourself:
“Am I about to trade my future for a temporary fix?”
And then ask God to meet you in that moment.
Because I promise—He will.
There’s not a spot that God is not.
Even here.
Even now.
Even when you’re tired.
He understands. And He’s holding space for you.
