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Some years ago, I had friends—and even family—whom I called my best friends. Then God asked me a question that changed everything: Is that really your best? Or just what you’ve settled for?
God corrected me: stop pouring into people who never pour back.
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So I’m sharing this as a warning—not in anger, but in wisdom.
Desire is loud, even in friendships and family.
It announces itself quickly, seductively, convincingly.
But desire alone has never sustained a life, a marriage, career, or a legacy.
The real question isn’t are you wanted? Are you handsome? Are you beautiful? Are you smart? Do you have money?
It’s this: Can you be chosen when wanting you costs something?
Can you keep that person or do they truly want you there when nothing is left to offer but your character?
When the money dries up.
When the applause fades.
When your name doesn’t open doors anymore.
When there’s no platform, no perks, no proximity to power.
Who are you then?
Because attraction can survive comfort, but commitment is tested by loss.
Everyone loves you when you’re rising.
People say “amen” when the prophecy includes provision.
They cheer when the vision sounds profitable.
But what happens when the vision requires sacrifice?
I experienced this firsthand this year, and I can tell you—it is liberating to release people who weigh you down. Most of us stay not because we don’t want to be lonely or meant to, but because we lack the courage to walk away. Be don’t want to be judged. We think it’s the right decision to stay with people who don’t love us.
“And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.” ~ Mark 12:31 (KJV)
To love your neighbor as yourself assumes you value yourself.
Love your neighbor as yourself—
not more than yourself,
not at the expense of yourself.
Would those same people still be there if you lost everything?
Not hypothetically.
Not spiritually.
But practically. Literally
When your lifestyle changes.
When your needs become inconvenient.
When your budget is tight and your faith is the only thing holding you together.
Would they still say “amen” if you were broke?
Or was their agreement always conditional—
Dependent on what you could provide, not who you are?
Loyalty reveals itself in scarcity.
Love proves itself in inconvenience.
And character becomes undeniable when there’s nothing left to hide behind.
Here’s the truth many don’t want to confront:
Some of us are in a community of losers and people who don’t value us.
Some people are only faithful when it costs them nothing.
Some relationships are sustained by access, not affection.
Some support disappears the moment sacrifice is required.
So ask yourself—and ask honestly:
Would any of them empty their account so you could make budget?
Not to be dramatic.
Not to be rescued.
But because they believe in you beyond benefit.
Because when desire is stripped away, only true covenant remains.
This is why mature love start with chemistry— but ends with integrity.
Wise women look past charisma and examine consistency. Knowing lasting unions are built on shared values, not shared convenience.
If all they seek is desire, they will always replace you for someone with more.
But if they love your character, you will be irreplaceable to them.
And that—
That is what sustains love when everything else is gone.
