Dear Black Men: You Deserve to Be Husbands Too - Reimaging Our Culture For Marriage - From Baby Mama to Wife —Where Did We Go Wrong?

“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” — Hebrews 13:4 (NIV)

Recently, I stumbled across two viral clips that stopped me in my tracks.

In one, David Banner said something powerful—he couldn’t do business with a man who cheats on his wife. He said if you’ll cheat on her, you’ll cheat me too. Integrity is important.

Then, I saw another clip—Bow Wow bragging about not paying child support. He said he gives his daughter $1,000 a month and her mother can “just borrow money” if she needs more. And what really floored me? The comment section. Folks praising the child’s mother because all her baby daddies have great things to say about her.

Wait. All her baby daddies?

Where did we go wrong?

How did we get here—where “baby mama” is an entire status, and marriage isn’t even part of the conversation anymore?

When did we stop wanting marriage?

Let me say this plainly: Dear Black Men, you deserve to be husbands too. Stop giving your seeds away to women you are not married to.

Favor isn’t automatically on a man—favor comes upon the man who honors marriage. God places favor on the husband because He honors covenant

Therefore, marriage should be a requirement for a woman to have your children.

I remember years ago, I had this edgy idea for a podcast called The Other Woman. It was supposed to be a play on words—me giving my “different perspective” as a woman. I thought it was clever. Bold.

But my husband? He wasn’t amused.

He looked at me, disappointment heavy in his eyes, and said: “You’re a wife.”

He reminded me that title carries weight. He explained what “side chick” really meant—not just socially, but spiritually. It wasn’t just slang. It was dishonor. It was planting seeds of chaos into a culture already drowning in it.

And whew—I felt that. He was right.

I shut that idea down. Quick.

Because I realized: I didn’t want to be another woman adding noise to a culture that’s already lost its way.

Look around. We’ve normalized side chicks, sneaky links, and situationships.

We’ve glamorized baby mama drama and soft life fantasies over strong, steady marriages.

Nobody’s asking real questions anymore like:

What’s the right age to date with marriage in mind?
Why don’t we value legacy and stability the way other cultures do?

Here’s the truth we don’t like to face: You cannot build a lasting legacy without marriage.

Genesis 2:24 says:
"That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh."

Marriage isn’t just a religious tradition. It’s a covenant. A foundation for legacy, wealth, children, and community.

But right now? We’re trading marriage for temporary likes, commitment for short term clout.

Our grandparents weren’t perfect—but they still believed in marriage.
They might’ve married twice, three times—but marriage still meant something.
Being called husband or wife was honorable.

I can tell you this: Marriage with the right person is like an organization with the right team
When one is thriving, we’re all thriving.
When he’s struggling, we all feel it. And work to make it better together.

That’s covenant. That’s unity. That’s what Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (NIV) means:
"Two are better than one… If either of them falls, one can help the other up."

We’re in this together.

But these days? The culture is flipped upside down.

There was a time when it was embarrassing for a woman to even be associated with someone else’s man. Women had an unspoken code—you didn’t mess with your friends husband or boyfriend, or another woman’s marriage or her household.

Now? It’s competition.
It’s “may the best woman win.”
It’s “if she can’t keep him, that’s her problem.”

Some women even brag about taking someone’s man.
Sis - be careful with that I’ve seen women shamelessly push their men toward others like they’re handing over worn-out shoes. They are tired so they set you up for the okee doke.

It’s sad.
But it’s also dangerous.

If we don’t course-correct, we’ll raise a generation that thinks family is obsolete and marriage is unnecessary.

But here’s the truth:
Marriage still matters. Covenant still matters. Respect still matters. Love still matters.

It’s time we grow up.
It’s time we honor marriage again.

Teach our daughters that being a wife isn’t about a ring or a title—but about purpose, legacy, and covering.

Teach our sons that manhood isn’t measured by how many women they can collect—but by how well they can lead, protect, and provide for one woman and their family.